The demons come to roost

There is an equal measure of darkness and light; good and bad in all of us- they say.

For years, I have been under the impression that I had found myself.

I don’t know, I suppose I did come close to being a “rational” being – a citizen of adequate moral standing?

Can the cup of morality be filled up once it has been emptied?

How do we find ourselves? -within the commotion of other people’s perceptions about what’s “right” or in the raging silence of our own conscience?

People say they become ‘clean’ after kicking their bad habits and it’s a gratifying feeling, ain’t it?

Good for them- perhaps this is ultimately possible.

It is tricky when you’re a creature of habit – when impulse is your prison.

Little over a decade of being a smoke-free zone, I slip into my darkness.

My angst and frustration finally push me over the edge, and I fall so easily into a place I had deserted.

I can’t breathe. I need air. I need release.

“Welcome home Enigma”, they say.

My lungs are battling from the assault, I have betrayed the cause.

Don’t they also say that the things we desperately run away from are always right behind us?

Once I again, I’m the last person I listen to…